Tonight, I Cried.

But it was a good cry. It released tension, stress, and built up emotions. I hate crying, I really do. It causes people to look at you and ask whats wrong which just makes you start blubbering again like a little baby. And truthfully? I'm not an attractive cryer. Plus, when I do cry, it's usually about more than one thing or it's something that has been bothering me for quite sometime. Tonight, it was both.

What else happened tonight? We played (and lost to) Win-E-Mac in volleyball. Was that why I cried? Absolutely not. I was expecting the loss. They're second in the state right now. I was happy with just playing as hard as I could and that was that. But another thing that happened was drama. I'm not going to get into the detail because it is over and one should not dwell in the past. But this drama caused harsh words to be directed my way in a way that hurt me to the core. After the fact, of course, they apologized many a time and I of course accepted as should be done. Things can be said in the heat of the moment that aren't meant. Another cause of my crying has come from a ways back. I've always thought of myself as a leader. I try my hardest to do the best in everything I do and try to put the most optimistic spin on a situation. But tonight in the heat of the moment, doubts on my leadership skills were voiced (incorrectly I found out later, but at the time they sunk to the core.) I've played volleyball for over half of my life. I'm not the best player by far, but I do like to think that I give it my all and that I push the team to succeed. But recently I have heard a lot of people wonder if I should be volleyball captain and say that I don't deserve this spot and I take that very offensively. Now I know those people won't read this but I need to say it anyway: I have worked hard to get where I am and I am proud of my accomplishments. I probably wont go on and play competitive volleyball in college, so this is what I have left. I was voted captain by my peers and accepted this challenge knowing that I would be taking care of these girls. Also, those of you who doubt my leadership skills, please realize that I don't have to be the best athlete or even a good athlete. What these girls need is a motivator and someone that they can talk to which is exactly what I am and exactly who you are not. By saying these things, you hurt me and that is not okay. Learn to be the better person and try to look at things through different eyes. I think you will be surprised at what you see.